The purpose of this blog...

Well, I am not sure what the purpose is. Here are some ideas.

1. I think the main purpose is to give me and my birdman a place to explore ourselves. Our current website and rl blog is full of kids and family. I had a few times of yearning to write about myself and motherhood. I really had no place to put it.

2. I/We have also recently discovered the joy of sex blogs. I have always been a big fan of erotica. I often would get in the mood by reading online or from books. I have just found the world of sex blogs and I am in love with them. I often found myself wanting to comment on the blogs but did not have an anonymous persona to use. Somehow the leap from finding pseudonym to starting anonymous sex blog was not that big. Go figure.

3. I really hate writing. I can't stand it. I have always had big problems starting writing things. I am a great editor, but getting things on paper (or screen as it is) is so hard. I have major perfectionism/procrastination problems. Why even start when it will not be good enough? Well, I am just forming this idea in my mind now, but maybe churning out blog entries will work through some of that fear. I just seem to get paralyzed by the starting sometimes. In a lot of areas of my life.

4. I have heard/read (I don't have time to google the info right now) that writing 10 min a day about things that you are working through helps relieve stress. Seeing question 3, I have always thought it was a good idea to do but never buckled down and did it. Again, I think the anonymous-ness of it all will help me. My birdman is the only one who can put the blog and me together. He is beyond understanding and loving. He has seen me write much worse, and he always is so loving and gentle in his correction of my grammar. He never makes me feel like the writing loser I feel like!

5. I know many people seem to start blogs as they are going through transitions or reawakening etc. We have been married for 7 years now (this past Oct.) We have been together for 11 years (wow!) this March. We keep joking about the seven year itch not hitting us. How we are so happy and content with us as a couple. Not that we don't have challenging days and things that pull us apart. I know for me I joke about the seven year itch, but I kind of do worry about it sneaking up on us. I can't imagine being so far apart that something like an affair seems feasible. I know it happens in baby steps that pull people apart. I just can't imagine getting to that point. So, I wonder how it happens, and how it doesn't happen, I guess. I can't imagine waking up tomorrow and looking at birdman and seeing someone I don't love more than anything! Anyway, that is something I am interested in exploring. Naming the fears so they are not so unknown? How do people grow apart? I have always thought my relationship with birdman is so intense and complete and multilayered that we would have a hard time drifting apart like that. Because we are so close we are closer than the average couple. Not sure if that is so, but I think that may be some of why I just cannot imagine some of it happening.

6. I wanted to start the blog as a way to talk about where we are. I feel kindred spirits in some of the sex blogs I read and in some of the mommy blogs I read. I don't want to put a bunch of labels on myself, but I feel like some would help. I have 3 kids five years old and under. I have a very good sex life with my husband. We are both interested in the same kinds of kinky sex stuff. Not too vanilla not too crazy. I think the biggest difference I see between the moms I hang out with is that for most of them the sex is still so "giggly." When we have a night out we end up talking about sex. So much of it is still the laughing about it all. Some hate sex, some have such low body image they are not enjoying it, some have lots of sex but somehow it seems so high schooly. I would like to talk about the challenges of balancing sex and motherhood.

7. We spent a long time coming up with a title. We rejected:

Happily ever after (taken and too romancey)
Kinkily ever after
Kinky monogamey
A little bit kinky

We rejected the "kinky" moniker because we just didn't like the connotations. We do do some things that might be kinky. (some public sex, toys, some D/s, dabbling in a bit of rope) But that really does not define our relationship

We wanted something that made sense. We have fallen into attachment parenting (here are some labels, we do extended breastfeeding, family bed, some natural food, but we do vaccines and we will use public schools). A lot of what attachment parenting stands for is doing things how they were done naturally. We are not as "crunchy" as some.

Sex is kind of the same way. For some reason I ended up with a very sensual idea of sex. I would not say I have a great body image, but I do feel very comfortable naked, especially around birdman! The same is true for birdman. We both like being naked and we like feeling good things. We are both very aware of the emotional connection to the physical too. So we do what "comes naturally." ;-)

8. This is one thing we are talking a lot about in our house lately. I am not sure how much I will explore this in the blog but here you go. We are discussing the "theology of contraception." Three is a big number around here. I am not hoping for more. If we had more I know we could handle it and God would provide. I like the whole idea of the snip snip operation. I want to be able to not worry about it being the right choice. Poor birdman would have scheduled the surgery 8 months ago after the little one made his appearance. So he has the daunting job to convince my heart that I will not be struck with a bolt of lightening in the bedroom if we go that route.

9. Neither birdman or myself ever thought we would be to tired for sex... Now that is the case. I am sitting in the living room blogging with the 8 month old asleep on my lap. He has sat with the older 2 (almost 3 boy and 5 girl) and they sound asleep. I have many the carnal desire right now... I also could close my eyes and take a nap. Such is the challenge and balance of our life right now.

10. Well, I got this far, I should even this out at ten. I will say that I hope my readers (if there are any) do not mind my grammar and spelling errors. I just can't worry about that. I want a lot of this to be first drafty because I tend to overthink things.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!